Acknowledge, don't accept

It has taken so long to get to this point.

For the longest time, I had been eying an ascent up the mountain close to where I live, but I've only ever run down it or taken the bus up. Maybe it was because I once saw a cyclist pushing his bike up, that I have had this impression that it is unconquerably steep.

But it has always been right there. Taunting me silently. Because maybe it is doable. And also, the other way up the mountain is a 10 km round about route.

I had recently been offered to loan a pair of fairly high-end carbon wheels for my bike. They're lighter than the ones I have, which means they roll up easier. Now is the time, I thought, and I decided to pursue two dreams at once: To bike up the little steep hill, and to continue up, and have lunch at the mountain co-working space.

I did it!

It has been a beautiful April morning. Once I started up the hill, there was quite a lot of traffic on the narrow road, but it went surprisingly well. The wheels helped, but I also just felt better on the bike. All the thought, practice and help that has gone into it has really helped. It was a great feeling coming up the familiar bends, and I both could and couldn't at the same time believe I was actually there.

The hill, though, from my place is what I delightfully would call 929 in Japanese. 9 as pronounced kyu means both steep and sudden. 2, pronouned ni, designates time. So 929 translates to "Suddenly steep". It felt very apt, because I had less than 1km to warm up before arrow went up.

From there it was just uphill. It was exhausting, but I had done it once a few weeks back, so I knew what to expect. And it felt good. A couple of breaks to catch my breath and make way for heavy trucks, and in no time (ok, almost an hour..) I was at the peak and cruised along the ridge towards the office.

Up here, I noticed how the cherry trees where still in bloom (because of the almost 1000m altitude difference) and were only just beginning to shed their petals. What's more, if you'll imagine, they were untouched; huge and hugely leaning out over the small mountain roads as the picture above. It was warm and beautiful, and as I brake across the fallen petals, the friction between tyre and road and flower released the scent in an intense way.

I had hoped I would get the same kind of focus, or insight or something, to be able to think deeply about my situation. But it ended up being more of a blank. Going up I could only think of the road, of my breath.

I am very happy that I could do this. Last week I heard a podcast where two guys were philosophising about "accept the situation, but also.. don't accept it". It felt a bit cheap, but the basic point stands: acknowledge the situation, but don't accept the implication. I had to acknowledge that I didn't have what it took mentally and physically to climb the mountain, but I didn't accept that I couldn't train enough to actually do it.

I am also grateful for a facility like the vo-working space to exist. And of the quality of the roads. And the mood among the other people in traffic. And I am grateful that I have this time on a Monday, to go on a little trip like this. I wish more people could have this. And that it would be the kind of privilege it definitely feels like.

In order to show my gratitude, I will do my best to make it count in terms of the energy and sincerity I can put into my work now.